Department of Education's Muslim Outreach Program

U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan gave an interview to Al Jazeera today. According to Mr. Duncan, perhaps the "foremost" mission of the Department of Education involves outreach to the Muslim world.

before I became the Secretary of Education -- President Obama charged me with three things. One was he wanted me to help re-inspire children to want to get into science and math, he wanted me to expand our international relationships, and third, and perhaps foremost, he wanted me to find a way to reach out to the Muslim world and engage much more with dominantly Muslim nations to help them feel good about their historic contribution to education.

When pressed for specifics about why expanding international relationships & building self-esteem in the Muslim world were primary goals of a U.S. federal agency apparently devoted to an entirely different mission, the secretary had this to offer.

Well look, let's face it, we are doing a terrible job here at home with this whole education thing. We keep spending more and more money and have less and less to show for it. Why shouldn't we focus on something that just makes people feel good instead? And after all, international cooperation with Islamic nations will help improve education here at home. We have schools that want to teach intelligent design in science classes. Wouldn't they benefit from the latest Islamic creationist research? People associate creationism with Christianity, but Muslim countries are also doing great work in that area.

There are all sorts of things we could learn. What's the best way to stone a woman to death for adultery? When is it justified for a man to beat his wife, and how hard? Those questions can only be answered by Islamic scholars.

Duncan described education as an international collaboration of which Muslim nations must be a part.

It is a matter of trying to reach out and get the best of all worlds, if you will, and there is much to be gained by drawing in the contributions that are possible from the Muslim (nations)."

Almost as an afterthought, the secretary did state that the U.S. Department of Education will still be working on issues related to U.S. education -- sort of.

For anyone reading who might be clueless... this is satire. Some text was quoted either directly or altered from the following article.