Thursday, May 14, 2009

If Nancy Pelosi Were Honest

I know, that's too much to ask of a politician. But let's just pretend Nancy Pelosi suddenly got an uncontrollable urge to be completely honest when questioned about waterboarding. Here's what she might say:

Yes of course I was briefed on it. I knew all about it. Why did I lie and accuse the CIA of misleading me? Because that's the Democratic thing to do. Look at all the Democrats who lied about why they supported the Iraq War. They claimed they were "misled" by the Bush administration, and that they didn't understand that authorizing war meant they were voting to authorize a war. Really! Sure it was a ridiculous blatant lie, but it worked. Look at Hillary Clinton -- she's vice president now. Why shouldn't I lie for political reasons? Come on, I"m a politician. That's what we do.

So why didn't I speak out against waterboarding at the time, you ask? Why would I? Do you think I got to be Speaker of the House by being a complete idiot? I mean, after 9/11 everyone was worried about another attack. When I found out we had some Al Qaeda leaders in custody, naturally I wanted to get whatever information we needed to protect the country. When waterboarding was suggested as a possible method, of course I went along with it. I may be a liberal, but I cared about protecting the country more than what happened to some terrorist like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. Why would I risk failing to prevent another attack? That would have been completely irresponsible, and I'd have been blamed -- along with Democrats in general. I don't have that kind of courage. After all, this is all about politics anyway. I mean sure, I say differently now, but who knew then that waterboarding would be a great political stick to beat Republicans over the head with? 

Anyway, even though I knew about waterboarding and went along with it, now I think it's horrible illegal torture that violated the rights of those poor Al Qaeda leaders. Any Republicans that had anything to do with it should be prosecuted, but no Democrats should be held accountable, especially not me.


  1. Clearly this post should be titled "If Nanci Pelosi conformed to a caricature in UNRR's fantasy world."

    I wonder if he's even looked at her side of the story? Obviously pols will be pols and every word is suspect, but the leap between her plausible account and this drivel is vast.

  2. Her account is not plausible. She's just digging a deeper hole.

  3. Although come to think of it, I may have given her too much credit for recognizing that it was necessary at the time. She may have gone along with and not spoken out purely for political reasons. But I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt.