Wednesday, May 6, 2009

10 Questions for Atheists To Ask on the National Day of Prayer

Tomorrow is the National Day of Prayer here in the U.S. It's not exactly a big day for atheists. But in honor of the day, here's a list of questions to ask people who pray.

1. Why don't gods ever answer the prayers of amputees to have their limbs back?

2. How does God decide which team to support when players on both sides are both praying for victory?

3. Wouldn't it be better to be a pagan? That way you'd have multiple gods to pray to, and a seemingly better chance that one of them might not be too busy to answer.

4. Why does it appear that the most common answer to prayer is: I'm not listening

5. Does anything block prayers from reaching God? What about energy fields? How about a foot of lead? Are there any dead-zones where prayer just doesn't work?

6. What's better, out-loud prayers or ones in your head? Which have a better success rate?

7. Do you ever trying praying for the opposite thing than what you really want? Does reverse psychology work on any gods?

8. Are prayers on the National Day of Prayer more effective than prayers on other days?

9. Do multiple prayers for the same thing have a multiplying effect on the success rate? What if 10 people pray for the same thing once each? Is that the same or different than one person praying for the same thing 10 times?

10. Which gods qualify as national gods on the National Day of Prayer?


  1. 1. Um...haven't you ever heard of phantom limbs?

    2. Easy. If neither is clearly more pious, He picks the team with the strongest, fastest, smartest, and luckiest players. It's the only fair thing to do.

    3. Heretic!

    4. No, silly! The most common answer to prayer is: "Sorry, it's just not my will."

    5. God is not Verizon. He hears all and sees all.

    6. Unless you're above average in eloquence, keep your prayers silent. If your spoken prayer is overheard by people who consider it clumsy or poorly-composed, it won't be answered.

    7. Only the lesser ones who can't read our minds.

    8. It depends on whether your particular god is included amongst the religions sponsoring or observing the holiday.

    9. The more pray-ers the better. Everyone knows that. It's why we have prayer circles and prayer request lists and such. And the prayers of strangers who read your name on a list are much more potent than are those of your friends and family. All the better if that list was attached to an e-mail and forwarded until it has more chevrons than text.

    10. Only mine, of course. Everyone else's gods are false.

  2. Why not just celebrate your Atheism instead of taking potshots? Try a little tolerance.

    ~ an Atheist